Caffeine Magazine article: Hangovers

"To alcohol! The cause of... and solution to... all of life's problems - Homer Simpson

Time was, students were the bright young hopes of the future: in ancient Greece academia was sacrosanct. Only the most learned young men were entitled to call themselves students, others would have to work for a living. The wisest of those would go on to achieve immortality as the greatest thinkers of their time – Archimedes, Plato, Pythagoras:  these are names that will live forever. 

These days, the entry criteria for becoming a student have become somewhat, shall we say, less stringent. In the UK, the former Labour government made a target of 50% of the population to be educated at university level. This has allowed all kinds of riff-raff into the formerly prestigious band of people termed “students”, the nadir of this process surely being Southampton university student Daniel Laing urinating on a war memorial in 2009.

 But like it or not, it seems as if the student “lash” lifestyle is here to stay, and most have chosen to join them rather than try to beat them, as the continuing popularity of the Carnage^TM branded nights out proves. This is not to say that alcohol abuse and intelligence or indeed genius are mutually exclusive – just ask Vincent Van Gogh, Ernest Hemingway, George Best, to name but three alcoholic geniuses from vastly different fields.

 But even these guys had to get up in the morning. Lord only knows what Best would have been capable of sober; but how did he drag himself out of bed? More importantly, how are you going to drag yourself out of bed for that 9am adjustive technique lab?

 Firstly, and most obviously, don’t get drunk. But you already knew that. Other preventative tips include not drinking on an empty stomach, sticking to clear alcohols, and drinking plenty of water with your alcoholic beverages. Unfortunately, I’m sure many of you will identify with the phrase “one beer is too many, and ten is not enough”. So what can you do when your gluttony gets the better of you?

 Hangover cures have been around as long as alcohol, and there are as many cures that are sworn by as there are people who have been drunk. But let’s take a look at the more popular ones and assess their pros and cons:

Big Greasy Fry Up – or the rest of that kebab, or in fact any kind of fried food. Always seems like a good idea at the time, and may give you a temporary dopamine-based lift, but don’t be fooled; it will get you later, and you will only feel worse. Stick to fruit juice and complex carbohydrates for ultimate hangover WIN.

A shower – if you’ve been out dancing (or whatever..) all night, this will freshen you up, especially if you take a walk too (light + fresh air = great success).

Have another beer – the “hair of the dog that bit you” seems to me to be about as pleasant an idea as stepping on an upturned plug, but some people sadly swear by it. This is only delaying the problem at best, and possibly the first sign of dependency at the worst. Avoid!

Drinking water – probably the best idea you’ve had since you decided to take that first shot of Jagermeister. A hangover can basically be summed up as residual drunkenness + dehydration + tiredness. Taken with a banana or kiwi, this is the ideal way to put one of those right.

 Painkillers – not ideal, but if you really need one, take it. While I’m giving out obvious advice, make sure it’s from the Paracetamol/Ibuprofen end of the spectrum, rather than the OxyContin/Vicodin end.

 So there you have it, the best drinking advice available. But be careful how you use it – I don’t want to catch you pissing on the Cenotaph. For further good advice, visit www.drinkaware.co.uk

“I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself. “
- Oscar Wilde